This came about following the recent blogsvile war following the SSD's TTTEC post about a young girl who had been raped by a friend...and Sugabelly's post on the same issue. I really was alarmed by the views held by fellow women on the issue of rape. You really need to read the original post to understand what I am saying. The said post has generated some serious bad blood in blogsville and I really am not surprised because the case of rape is a sensitive issue.

Particularly alarmed by the comments of a so called housewife who suggested the issue be swept under the carpet... in her words if it were her relation this happened to..."if na my sister or relation, i go take am go hospital then look for the boy to ask how e take happen, then i go give them long lecture, but police na no go area, because i no want the whole street to hear our matter & spoil her chances from getting a serious guy in future to marry! "

With these words, I lost any respect I should have had for this woman, her further comments made me want to vomit...Her comments were so uncalled for and disgraceful...guess wisdom does not come with marriage... she was only speaking her mind and sadly this is the belief of 80% of our African women... She who does not believe women can be raped by their husband cannot be expected to believe rape is never the girls fault...

They say women are their worst enemy and I so totally agree on that one...we women never stand by ourselves...we are always the one to point accusing fingers at ourselves...They are always the first to point accusing fingers at the raped girl and saying it is all her fault...they are the ones who justify the actions of the rapist and say the lady should have known...like she us some witch who reads minds...

Even though there are two sides to a story, rape is rape...once the woman does not give her consent then, you have violated her...even if she said yes in the first place and later says no, she has not given her consent.

An Ex-room mate of mine once said she does not believe a woman can be raped, she said what happens to trying to fight him off...I laughed...not because it was funny but because I know she has never been in such situation...I remembered my near rape experience and funny enough just like the girl in the post, it was also a friend, not just a friend, He was someone I look up to...what was my offence, he felt I was rude and He had to teach me a lesson my raping me...you really have to be in such situation to realize, not even your power, height or whatever you would have imagined you would do would save you...remember screaming, struggling and shouting all to no avail...something just entered his head and he just let me go...Like every other girl...I told no one
An classmate at the university had come to the room to tell us she was almost raped by a guy who was a friend to a friend...okay the gist was not pure when she told us and we refused to believe her...I do not know the know the guy and the mutual friend said she had slept over in his house a good number of times and such had never happened, the guy was also formerly asking a cousin out and that said she never experienced such thing...this classmate kept saying different things, so we chose not to believe her.
A week after, A mutual friend gisted the guy's friend about how the same dude had almost raped and battered a friend of her who came for her birthday party. According to the mutual friend, the guy was supposed to help convey her friends back to school from the club and one of them was dead drunk...

The guy seriously battered the girl; she was in the hospital for a week after the incident. The worst was when she ran to a church, after she finally wriggled herself free of the guy, despite the girl's claim and plead, that the guy wanted to harm her, they released her to him when he told them she was his girlfriend and they were just having a misunderstanding and they should not meddle in their matter...
We could not tell our friend the gist, as we really were ashamed at our selves, she was pretty angry with us all in the first instance.

It is sad that in our society we cannot get justice but worse is when, one refuses to report this issue for fear that it reduces their of marrying a serious guy in future...please what is that, even those that were not raped sometime do not get serious guys to marry them or even get married at all...all these shit we do, all in the name of getting married...

Rape should never be condoled, such act is totally unaccepted, We have to start dealing with the evil of this crime...Don't tell me she came unto you, don't tell she was provocatively dressed, don't tell me why did she drink or wear a mini skirt....we have to get rid of those stupid traditions and beliefs which harm us women and our women need to understand that the man who rapes is the one at fault, no matter the circumstances. A man who rapes just like a man who batters his woman is an animal.

♥ Lara

Molara Brown


  1. WOW, reading the comment of that stupid woman makes me angry, more than angry even, my blood is hot! Is marriage more important than a girls well-being and health? What if the guy gave her a disease? what if he raped and strangled her and she was 6ft under, then WHAT? African women, african culture and the 'dont ask ,dont tell policy makes my blood HOT. No body wants 'shame' no body wants to tell the truth when they see it because they are afraid of what people will think. To hell with what people will think. Live life for you, not for Mr.obukwelu or mrs.akintola...call it how u see it, and life becomes easier...NA WA O!!!!

  2. very nice post by the way

  3. just thought i'd add: only 30% of rapes in the US end in arrest, which is so sad!

  4. That is sad, considering the fact that every one expexck America to be leading the race...should I say that is still better than what we have here in Nigeria...

  5. Rape is a criminal offense...if someone has been raped...the person should sue or report to the appropriate authorities... are reporting does not jeopardize her chances of getting married in future

  6. They say women are there worst enemy and I so totally agree on that one...we women never stand by ourselves...we are always the one to point accusing fingers at ourselves

    I stumbled into your blog and am glad I did. I copied the above because it is toooooo true. Wherever we live in this world, rape is rape. Period! I applaud you for speaking out. I lived in Nairobi, Kenya, for three years but never had the opportunity to visit Nigeria.