A Stranger in the mirror

I see a strange in the mirror
Who she is, I do not know
even though she is molded in my image
I know nothing about her.

Do I like her, I am not sure
But I sure hell know, she is not me.
I do not want to be her,
I am better than her,
I want a better me and a better her.
----------------------
I must say, I have lost my way.
I don't know how, I don't when...all I know is that I am not on the right track...
I am not talking about my professional life right now, I am not complaining about the insane weather...I am not even talking about ever growing love for Hyderabad and how sad I am when my wonderful new friends leave.

T. Notes, now I understand better the struggles you post about, to think we are birthday mates.Lately, I have lost my zeal and passion for anything...I miss reading, I miss living life....yes, I stopped living.My life has become routine and maybe that is why I even find it boring, all I do is go to work, staying indoor weekend, party if I feel like and travel to the same cities I have been to.

The zeal for adventure and exploration is gone, I have been struggling to learn the Spanish letters, all my aspirations and dreams are all on hold for no reason.

Spiritual, I have fallen...I have fallen from the 50% I have always struggled with to less than 10%. I can blame it on the society I live in but I know it is still me who needs to make that decision to be closer to my God no matter the situation of things.

Coming to India was an opportunity for me to find myself and totally understand me...I am finding myself quite alright but I do not like the woman I am discovering. That woman, who is emotionally weak is not me or better said who I used to be.

A friend recently told me that I am hiding from the world...that I should let the world truly know me and I should stop hiding behind their assumptions of me...how true this is, I am yet to accept.

I have been living without thinking, I have been taking actions without thinking, I have been running away from thinking...Even though a part of this stranger is good, I want to be better and be the woman I have always wanted to be.

Not that super woman, but that strong independent woman who can balance every aspect of her life and accept every flaws she has...

I am as lost as the uncoordinated post...I hope I find my way back soon.
♥ Lara

'Lara A

8 comments:

  1. It is just a phase dear. Everyone feels lost once in a while. It happens to me too. Just take it easy and remember that you are a special person. Unique like God made all of us to be. Try to go out and do fun things and be happy and ofcourse, unleash the real you girl.

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  2. Hmmm... The first step to the solution to a problem is knowing the problem and subsequent steps would then be consciously working towards the solution. I'd go with Lily, its just a phase and it would soon pass :)

    I particularly love the sincerity in these words, "
    Spiritual, I have fallen...I have fallen from the 50% I have always struggled with to less than 10%. I can blame it on the society I live in but I know it is still me who needs to make that decision to be closer to my God no matter the situation of things."

    Make the decision Lara and it'd be well :) Hang in there...

    - LDP

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  3. There comes a time in everyone's life when they are at their lowest point, for you, that time is now.
    Fortunately, you have identified it, thats the first step to taking back your life!

    The struggle wont be easy but u'll pull through once you set your mind to it.

    Take a break from social networks and find out what makes you happy. Go back to the days when your life was devoid of the 'unrealness' of the techno-suavy world.

    You'll be fine in no time!

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  4. ahhh....i know this feeling...i think it comes for me once in every 2 months.pele. You will nap out of it soon

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  5. A step in the right direction is acknowledgment. You'll be alright dear. Life can be so overwhelming that we stick to a routine in an attempt to produce normalcy. it is human. You'll be alright. And even if you've strayed..He is still there always :)

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  6. ...This too shall pass. It will be well with you

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  7. You will find your way soon. Being lost is part of the process...

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