A Little Life Update


It's already March and I am so done with this year.
It has brought me sadness and pain.

The year has taken my beloved cousin away.
She went to sleep to never wake up on earth.

It has been hard having to deal with this loss.
We continue living, that is what we all do when one of us ends their journey on this earth.

I find solace in sharing memories of her with people who knew her.  People who experienced the beautiful soul that she was.
I can't share stories of my past without her featuring in it.
My childhoods, birthdays, undergrad experiences all feature her.
My friends were her friends. Her friends were my friends.
Even though I fought a lot with her friends.

I was looking forward to our 35th.
She would have been 35 on the 25th of March
I had hope to have another joint birthday with her just like our 1st, 5th, 10th and 21st.
Now I see the finality of this post I wrote almost 10 years ago: The First of many to come...

I was thinking of spending this year travelling with her.
All my thoughts are just thoughts now because she is no longer here for me plan with.
All my plannings out the door now.

I will miss her seeing her 'aburo' comments on my posts and me telling her to stop deceiving herself.
She is one month and one day older.
My mum basically birth me and handed me over to her sister to raise.

Her name is Zainab Adetola Bakre!

Before her death, I have been struggling.
I think I am angry, not just at this death but at something I am yet to figure out.
I am left with this hollow feeling which I will spend the rest of my year  or many years fighting off.

The question, "what happened" has been super annoying to me lately.
If you are not family or personally know the 'late', I think you should just stick to sending your condolences and move on.  Instead of making the bereaved recount experience that do not matter to you.

Living in Lagos exhausts me, but I am not even ready to move cities.

Career-wise I am am good.
I changed employer last year, which is partly the reason for travelling only twice in 2019.
I love the people that I work with.

An employer headhunted me late last year and asked what it will take to have me port.
"The people", I said.
I used to think that I love my work. But now, I know that it's the people at work that I really love.
They are the ones who make the profession worthwhile.

I think I need a career break.
I need a minimum of 1 month break from work.
I don't know if I want to spend this break travelling or withdrawing to a remote place away from people.

I will be back to the travel posts. There is Namibia, Ivory Coast and Cape Verde to share with you all

♥Lara

Molara Brown

5 comments:

  1. Sigh. I am so sorry about your cousin. May her soul rest in peace

    ReplyDelete
  2. Blessings....
    It has been a while since I've visited. I have no real reason so i won't waste my breath on petty lies and excuses. My condolences on your loss. Moving into acceptance is never easy, the resistance is real. I too experience deaths of loved ones, last October 2019 my uncle took his final bow and January 17, 2020 my aunt did the same. We are all reeling but I think the person most slammed is my cousin/her daughter. They were super close/so close that she was feeling the uttering (the ties that bind when they unbind). I was really scared for her as she was experiencing it physically as well as emotionally and psychological - chest pains etc. Words are so inadequate. There is nothing anyone can say that can console you or make you feel better and the worst thing anyone can offer is platitudes. All I can say is take it day by day and when day by day feels too much take it moment to moment.

    I wish you peace.
    Stay blessed.
    Rhapsody

    ReplyDelete
  3. So sorry for this loss. I pray for the comforting of you and your entire family.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I just read this and I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm really sorry about how this year has turned out in general. I pray for better days for you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
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